How to deal with an abusive spouse

Marital abuse is a common vice in many believer's marriages and relationships. Abuse is wide-range. It can be physical or emotional. As we tackle this vice today mainly from a psychological standpoint, I want us to understand that the Kingdom of darkness uses abuse as a weapon to afflict many believers and destroy their destinies and marriages. 

"God hates divorce. Let no one separate that which God Has put together." The Devil's desire is to cause divorce and separate and destroy that which God has put together. He always deviously opposes the will of God. The work of Satan is to steal, destroy and Kill (John 10:10). Let's not be ignorant, the Devil is our principle and only enemy who is behind our marital problems. He seeks to steal, destroy and Kill your Marriage since it is ordained by God. 

Ephesians 6:12 (King James Version)

12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

Let's not forget that this is a spiritual battle that should be handled prayerfully.

There is nothing more heart-breaking like being abused physically by someone you treasure and love. Men are supposed to offer protection to their family and spouses. Marital violence is devastating. Every relationship is unique because of multifaceted personalities of the partners involved.

How can you predict violence tendencies early? Here are some of the early signs of an abusive relationship. Take precaution before committing yourself:

• If your partner doesn't care about your feelings and often threatens to hurt or kill you.

• If your partner is a bad tempered type, he or she will turn it against you one day.

• If your partner uses force to demands sex or other things.

• He or she destroys your belongings to express anger.

• Watch out for excessive control and possessiveness such as keeping a jealous watch over you, limiting your freedom to socialize or even limit you to use your car, phone, or money.

• Examine his or her past to establish whether your partner has a violent history the past relationships.

• If your partner puts you down through negative criticism and humiliates you or yells at you.

• Blames you unfairly even for his own mistakes

• Views you as a property or a sex object

If you see this early signs in your man, please take an early caution because most men who exhibit these behavior turn out to be violent. You know what to do.

What can you do if you are already in a violent relation?

Most women are victims of marital violence. However, they desperately suffer in silence with no one to help them and no way out. The primary reasons why men become violent towards their spouses is to gain control, feeling insecure, inferiority complex, drugs abuse, or agitation.

Try this if you are in an abusive relationship and wait for the results:-

1. Investigate why Your partner becomes violent.

There are many triggers that causes people to get physically violent. You need to establish the core reason why your spouse gets agitated. Drug abuse could trigger physical violence if your partner has an impeding psychological problem. If your partner abuses you every time they are under an influence of drugs, you need to seek psychological help from a canceler. Once you identify the cause, then seek help from a counselor. Talk about it when your partner is sober and ask why they turned violent. Some men get violent because of insecurities and they do it just to feel they are in control. Some do it because of their background and up bringing, may they grew up from a violent background. Others do it because of a psychological disorder which can be treated.

2. Keep Calm

Don’t raise your voice to your spouse for any reason. Let him vent his anger out so that he can calm down then you can talk over. Many like being in control and feel disrespected when women shout at them. Most men are not able to shout back at you so they will become violent in order to feel they are in control. So keep it cool and pretend be polite if possible. Men are designed to protect women. Most of them will not beat you if they know you are vulnerable.

3. Show support and respect

Don't expose your husband’s weaknesses to your family and friends. Instead show him support. He will trust you and discuss his shortcomings with you hence work towards overcoming them with you. He will view you as a partner in the journey and never abuse you.

4. Run and play safe

Do not confront your man. Instead run. Do not fight if he starts fighting but run. Some men lock up the house and put on loud music before engaging into abuse. If this happens, surrender and seek a dialogue as you look for an opportunity to escape.

5. Play nice

Tame the lion. Understand your man and play with his emotions. Do not use attitude or women moods to communicate to your spouse. Don’t be a defensive woman because most men interpret this wrongly. Don't show him your attitude in front of your children or other people. Don't challenge him before others. Do it politely in private.

6. Treat him like ‘The only man in your World’

Men hate being compared with other men. If he discovers that you are comparing him with other he will most probably cheat, avoid you or become violent. So don’t compare your husband with other men, his friends or relatives, or even your former boyfriends. Don't even mention them. Men like being at the top. Let him know that he is the only man and the best man in the world. Even if he is not.

7. Get help

Do not suffer in silence. Domestic assault is a crime and should be reported to the police. Get help from a local women welfare organization. Seek help from your parents and close friends, religious leaders or people that your spouse is accountable to.